All I can think is that, with every step, it's in the wrong direction. Every choice has led me nowhere, to the point I am at now. Dreams of a future seem like translucent glass, which I stare into trying to find that it is something... solid?
I think, "Damn. I'm not as cool as this person. Not as ____ as that person. Or ___ as that person."
What a fucking existence?
To feel trapped within a body that isn't pushing through life as you, the owner, wished it would. Think of how frustrating it would be to be driving a car that is so beat, bruised, and wanting to break down. But you push it, daily--past it's limits. Fearing that it will eventually break, you, almost comically, put whatever resources are at your disposal into it.
I think, "Damn. I'm not as cool as this person. Not as ____ as that person. Or ___ as that person."
What a fucking existence?
To feel trapped within a body that isn't pushing through life as you, the owner, wished it would. Think of how frustrating it would be to be driving a car that is so beat, bruised, and wanting to break down. But you push it, daily--past it's limits. Fearing that it will eventually break, you, almost comically, put whatever resources are at your disposal into it.
Keep going.
The things I want from my life have yet eluded me.
So, why is it that I still pursue these things? A future in robotics and neuroscience. A physique that people would bow just to touch. I am so jealous of the people who are where they have wanted to be at in this life. I want to laugh, cry, and scream, "
How did they get there?
What choices have they made to get to where they are?
How can I make these similar choices?
...Can I save myself?
